That’s another part of it.  I know I’m not living life to the fullest (cliche, yes, but an honest one).  I don’t feel right in my surroundings, but I feel like I don’t belong and belong at the same time.  I just feel like I want to swim in the ocean forever; the water surrounding me, keeping me in my place, embracing me, so that I know I am wanted.  I don’t feel wanted.  I feel like a burden to those around me.  I don’t feel like anyone wants to be around me, like I am just an annoyance to everyone, even to those I don’t know.

I feel empty inside.  There are so many things I want to know how to do, so many things I want to be.  Yet I feel as though I would be content to swim forever, or just run through the hills forever.  Just live on top of the rolling greens, just me and my animals.

I want to feel truly loved.  I hear Theron say he loves me every day, but I just can’t really and honestly believe him.  I just can’t imagine that anyone could ever have such deep feelings for me.  I don’t feel worthy of his love.  I feel bad for him, and then I feel bad for feeling bad.

I feel so lost.  I have always felt lost.  Out of place.  I don’t know if I will ever find my place.  And that really, really scares me.